What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 01:42
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Why do I get stressed when I go to bed?
We all went to grammer schools
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
How can I get my ex-husband to love me again?
I don,t even have a pension.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My life is so biszare .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
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What did i know ?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
What 10 things have you stopped doing in your life?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
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He resisted the act ,that day.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She found it foreign!.
What do porn stars do when they get old?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
What was your wildest experience as a lesbian?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Is it common for girlfriends to have close male friends who are single and not related to them?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
What methods do private investigators use to investigate someone in real life?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Im still living with it.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Was to survive, this bastard.
I said to her
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He knew the spot.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I think the readers, may guess!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I have no regrets .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
This is soul school!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
So whats the point in blame.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She was in good health!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She married twice! .
It was going to be , some day.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But, we were locked up after school.
I was scared of men, in general
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I write beautiful poetry .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And i lived it daily.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was 9 years of age.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I couldn’t, believe it.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
So, i spoilt her more .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Ive learnt so much.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I never cut or harmed myself..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I waited trembling.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
When she asked me how she looked .
I will be 64.
Put me off passion for life!!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
As i do to all so called friends.?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But it wasn’t much.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She loved him until the end.
One cannot live in the past .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was very sick at this time too.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She wouldn,t have been !
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Would this be the day?
Why did i forgive my father ?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was seconnd youngest,
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We were not on the streets..
But ive been too sick for many years..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
All the time i was locked up.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Who then, do I blame.?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Comes on , in middle age.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My family never makes their pension either.